Monday, May 4, 2015
I’m just going to put it out there. I had a miscarriage today.
I woke up to cramping and light spotting. I got ready for work and as I was about to walk out the door, I felt light headed. I sat down and decided to have breakfast first. I texted my manager that I would be 15 minutes late. The breakfast did not help, so I rested on the couch for a while. The cramping got stronger and I called my midwife’s office. They told me to come in immediately.
Felipe had just left for work and was texting me regularly. He asked our neighbor Marnie to drive me to the appointment. She gladly took me right over. Once in the office, I learned my blood work from the week before turned out fine and my hormone levels were on the rise. After peeing in a cup, an ultra sound, and more blood work, nothing clear was determined. All I knew was, it could be three things 1.) an infection 2.) a blood clot 3.) a miscarriage. The ultra sound showed a 4 week old baby in a 9 week pregnant body. At 4 weeks a heart beat cannot be detected. So, to me this all sounded like a miscarriage and no one wanted to admit it. I understand the midwife did not want to cause me alarm but it would have been nice to be educated on what was about to happen to me, in the event that it would happen to me, which it did.
I’m not saying I was tramatized by the afternoon events, I’m not an extremely emotional/dramatic woman at work, in business, or in my head when I process my life experiences. I tend to look forward constantly. The past cannot be change. How can this problem be solved with what we have now? If you ask my mother or husband, you may get a different story, but you will never ever see that side of me. I blog to be more openly emotional. My writing can be cold, informative, and dry. It’s a work in process.
So, Felipe met Marnie and I at the midwife’s office and we went to buy painkillers and lots and lots of ice cream and cones to go with all my ice cream. I had not had ice cream in 5 months. At the writing of this at 7 p.m., I have still not had ice cream. Anyway, by the time I got home my cramps had kicked up. I laid down on the bed with a heating pad in hopes of napping. The cramps began to intensify in waves. I felt like throwing up and went to the bathroom. I laid on the floor but could not stay in one position for long. I began to moan to try to relieve the pain. I told Felipe to call the midwife. She informed him that I must pass the baby but could come into the office or go to the Emergency room for pain relief.
The Emergency room was closer and we arrived in 15 minutes. As we were walking down the long hall to the entrance, I felt something grape size pass. It took at least 30 minutes to register me with the front desk and for the nurse to take my vitals. The nurse asked me how I knew I was having a miscarriage. I told her I did not know. I’ve never had one. Will I bleed to death? Will my insides explode? I don’t know? She was in no hurry to help or educate me. I could not sit and I paced the floor. We finally got to a room and I paced and paced and paced. The cramps became less and less and farther and farther apart. I realized I no longer needed any pain killers. Felipe called the midwife and she advised us that it was okay to leave. Just as he got back to the room, the doctor showed up and I pushed past her saying, ” I am no longer in pain, I have passed the baby. I am checking out.” She blankly looked at me as we walked by and the nurse that registered me pointed the way to the exit.
I got so involved in learning about being pregnant that I did not think to prepare for the possibility of not being pregnant suddenly. Thank you to my friends, who have been through this before, for guiding me and supporting me during this tough and confusing time.
I wish I would have read these articles before my miscarriage.
Here are some good websites for loss
And episode 91 of Pregtastic is a must to listen to after a miscarriage.
Episode 91 show notes: “Is miscarriage preventable? If so, how? What are the signs of miscarriage? Are there health conditions that can cause miscarriage? What goes on with a woman’s hormones before and after a miscarriage? Dr. Deborah Wachs, a Reproductive Endocrinologist answers these and other miscarriage questions.”